9 days left

Right now, I have a few fears. The foremost fear is panicking in the swim; right behind this fear is not completing the swim in the allotted 1 hour. I know I am going to finish no matter what, so I' m not really afraid of that. I had some anxiety the last time I swam in the pool the other day. I wanted to
work on my speed, but I realized that at this point, it's really too late to make any major changes or improvements - my level of fitness will not change in the next 9 days. I have visions of doing major weight training to improve my strength and endurance; speedwork; blah blah blah. The reality is that I have to maintain my current level of fitness and taper down so that I am fully rested. Cramming does not work for sports as it does for studies.

So, while I was swimming, I practiced the 3 different strokes that I will use during the swim: the freestyle, backstroke, and breast stroke. I was relieved when practicing, that I actually move forward when doing any of those strokes. This is what had added to my anxiety during that OWS, that I wasn't moving forward while swimming. Anyway, I will not look for moving reference points while swimming. I will rely on my knowledge that I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, so what I think or what I feel is irrelevant. This is definitely something that I'm facing in various different ways while training for this triathlon.

Last night I went to my BRICK class wearing my form fitting tri outit. What I thought and felt about myself and my body in that outfit was irrelevant. I am planning on wearing it during the tri, so I have to train in it to make sure it works for me. It would be so easy to let my feelings override my actions - I know, because it has happened plenty of times: stay home watching tv, waiting for my self- esteem to improve. Maybe talk about it in therapy; and then slink back home and close the blinds. Maybe those times were necessary for me; but I've had enough of that. You can only go so far on that.


-- lemmefineout - Brooklyn