Feeling doubly sorry for myself today. First of all, I swam at Promised Land today and it did not go well. Second of all, I wrote a blog entry about it that I really liked a lot, but upon posting it, it got lost in cyberspace.
My stinkin' thinkin' took me to the precipice of tantrum and I fell right in.
Around noon, we arrived at Promised Land beach. Wetsuit in hand, with my tri outfit on, I walked amongst families barbecuing and sunbathing in the sand. Needless to say, I felt self- conscious.
There was a chubby 10 year old girl at the beach running into the water with her diving mask on, looking for treasures under water in the sand. She noticed me getting in to my wetsuit as she sat with her mother digging in the sand.
I forgot about her when I swam. I was too out of breath, my arms felt very heavy and I was disappointed with myself within 10 minutes of getting in the water. It was windy and the water was choppy. What I did was not what I expected, although if you were to ask me what I had expected - I really could only say that I thought it would be easier.
Anyway, I was not happy and was full of self doubt about next week. I briefly contemplated switching to the Sprint distance. I did realize that I didn't want to push myself to the limit the week before the race. I should save my energy for that day.
When I got home and blogged about it though, I remembered the little girl on the beach. As I wrote about my experience as well as my thoughts about the girl, my spirits lifted. I felt I was writing well and so 'all was good'. Unfortunately, when I pressed 'save and send' it did neither...
I took to my bed; tried to do other things; I moaned loudly; I got mad at the way my partner was trying to help me. Not only did I have a bad swim but also a failed upload. There was probably a message in this double whammy that I should not even try - the nebulous black cloud hovers over me and a voice, quite similar to my own says 'stop! You are not going to succeed!'
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