Well, I did it - I beat the 10mm pace in the 4 mile race this morning - 9:57 to be exact. I am very proud of that. I have put a lot of effort into the cross training, strength work and, of course, running. The heart rate monitor helped to keep me focused although it is good that I am a techophile. There were too many numbers on the screen, most of which I did not know what they were. I was able to get the screen that had my average pace and just focused on that.
I am still feeling a mild sense of discomfort and I'm not quite sure why. It may be due to my being the queen of half measures; and this is the first time that I have been fairly consistent over a good period of time and so, it's to be expected that I have become faster. There is this nagging thought however that getting better, being better than before is somehow risky. I believe this is a childhood issue, but I'm not sure how. Exceling alienates others. Whether this was a fact or a misperception, a reflection of my insecurities - I don't know.
So, I need to keep myself in check so that I don't do anything that is self-defeating - like stop exercising.
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