Computrainer first!

Today I came in second on the Computrainer, out of 6 individuals, and first out of 4 women!! I was very proud of myself. I guess the recent strength training and the addition of the spin classes have really helped. I went in to the class today hoping to find out my maximum heart rate. I just bought my Garmin 310xt, and wanted to see what my heart rate would look like while bicycling.

The psychological hurdle that I had to jump over today was feeling competitive and going with it. It's one thing to be competitive with strangers in a race; it's a whole other ball game to feel competitive with people you like. Part of me wanted to back off, slow down while the other part of me wanted to do the best I possibly could.

Is there is a difference between feeling competitive and wanting to do my best? I think so. I think generally, I wanted to do my best today and since a peer and I were neck and neck, it provided the scenario to push me along in order to stay ahead.

I was having a difficult time writing this entry because I knew I felt great about having done so well/ about having 'won' the race and I also knew that I was feeling 'guilty' and I didn't like that feeling and I couldn't figure out why I was feeling that way. At first I was going to write about all my insecurities but then I resolved to write something inspirational, like a daily meditation : 'today I resolve to not let guilt get in the way of feeling joy in my accomplishments' .

Now I understand, just as I am writing this - that in 'competition' there is only one 'winner'; but when I think of myself as 'trying my best', then there could be more than one person trying their best and it's ok.

Today, it's ok to try my best, and push myself as hard as I can. It's ok for others to do the same. The final outcome is out of our hands.