63 days to be exact, until the Black Bear Triathlon. Just came home from a 30 mile bike ride from home (Park Slope, Brooklyn) to the George Washington Bridge lighthouse, and back. It was difficult, but faster than the last time I did it on March 13th. My how time flies! I'm still not set up to change flats - I'm riding on faith right now. Faith and the knowledge that here in NYC, I am not too far from the subway at any point during my bike ride. Nonetheless.... While riding this morning, I made the decision - commitment - to start going to a speed work running group, that meets every Wednesday night. I made the commitment to go between now and the BB tri. I had hesitated due to another activity that I usually do on Wednesdays, but I will work around it for the next 2 months. Tomorrow we are running in the More Half Marathon. I hope to ride my bike there in the morning, so I can have a another brick under my belt. This is more in preparation for the Pocono HIM in October - 6 months from now!
Swimming is going ok. Still slow; trying to do the drills. Signed up for the next class after this one ends, so I hope to get better. The biggest struggle during the last few weeks is the social aspect of my training and belonging to a group. Socializing, or trying to, has painfully highlighted how insecure I am. I am constantly berating myself for what I do or don't do - basically thinking that I am very uncool and very unlikeable. All this would be better if at least I looked like how I feel - terrified. Instead, I think I look unfriendly, aloof. I don't pay attention to what people say not because I don't care or I'm not interested (which I think is what others see) but because I'm so anxious, thinking about myself, that whatever someone else says, just plain does not register in my brain. This is the epitome of self-centered fear. My self-centeredness is disguised as fear of what others would think of me. oh well. The only way through is forward!
Swimming is going ok. Still slow; trying to do the drills. Signed up for the next class after this one ends, so I hope to get better. The biggest struggle during the last few weeks is the social aspect of my training and belonging to a group. Socializing, or trying to, has painfully highlighted how insecure I am. I am constantly berating myself for what I do or don't do - basically thinking that I am very uncool and very unlikeable. All this would be better if at least I looked like how I feel - terrified. Instead, I think I look unfriendly, aloof. I don't pay attention to what people say not because I don't care or I'm not interested (which I think is what others see) but because I'm so anxious, thinking about myself, that whatever someone else says, just plain does not register in my brain. This is the epitome of self-centered fear. My self-centeredness is disguised as fear of what others would think of me. oh well. The only way through is forward!
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