The Dark Waters of Looking Within

I have been very anxious about going back into the water.  Into the darkness.  Although I felt some redemption after going into the lake the next day after the race; I've been tangled up in knots and anxious thinking about what to do next: should I do the Nav-E Sink or Swim 1.2 mile race on
Memorial Day weekend to test my mettle again before the race? or should I just practice practice practice and save the race energy for the triathlon itself  on the following week, June 5th. Then as I was talking about my anxiety and fear about the dark waters to my partner, it occurred to both of us at the same time, a part of a prayer to the 4 directions.  The prayer to the West is:  To the West; to the dark waters of looking within; home of Beautiful Shell Woman; To introspection, the Medicine Path; black bear, brown bear.  To the West, I call for your power and your spirit to come in...

I felt very emotional and relieved that I had found something that may be able to help me focus on something other than my fears.  These are the dark waters of looking within.  Those fears of the unknown - something will hurt me, scare me, block me.  The dark waters of looking within that can lead to healing.  Home of Beautiful Shell Woman.  I don't need to find something outside of me to help me; I have to find it inside of myself. 

The serendipitous part of course, is that this is the Black Bear Triathlon.  It takes a lot to train for something like this.  This is not a casual affair where I can exercise when I feel like it.  I have to plow ahead and deal with issues as they come up; as I've been writing about in this blog.  It is about introspection.